An in-depth look at the numerous vehicles that Big T.E has owned.
Despite only being 19, so far in his life T.E has owned 14 cars. We here at Blood$ells thought it only fair to bring the full catalogue of disaster direct to your monitor. God help us all if Tel buys that Ford Mustang he's been looking at...
***NOTICE***
Due to the alarming rate with which Big T.E buys and sells cars, we've had trouble keeping this one up to date. Look out for an overhaul soon... |
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Car No.1
T.E's first car was a blue Metro, which the wily old devil sold for the money. The car cost T.E £50, and he promptly sold it for £500.
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Car No.2
Not content with having just made £450, T.E then bought a black Metro and, again, sold it for the money. This one cost £50, and it sold for £450. |
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Car No.3
But T.E's Arthur Daley tendencies would only get him so far. Foolishly, he then purchased a metallic-blue, automatic Metro. This one set him back £250, but it only sold for £100. Doh! |
Car No.4
Big T.E had his eye set on a black, Mini Turbo lookalike, which he promptly bought. It's worth remembering at this point that T.E is 6'4". When asked to comment, T.E described the Mini as "Cool". It cost a mere £90, and sold for an unseemly £900. Mind you, it did use up 4 engines. |
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Car No.5
Not content with already purchasing every Metro in the North Herts area, T.E set his sights on snapping up every Mini in the locale. This yellow Mini cost him £60, and sold for £500. |
Car No.6
After months of shoehorning himself into compacts, T.E inherited a metallic-blue 1.6 Ford Escort from his Granddad. Unfortunately, T.E thrashed it and promptly crashed it into a wall. It had to be scrapped. |
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Car No.7
A snazzy white, Ford Escort XR3i lookalike was next. Completely disregarding the time and effort that had gone into constructing the car, T.E thrashed the bastard and sold it for £300. Mind you, it only cost £100. |
Car No.8
After amassing a small fortune, Big T.E then went out and bought a white Ford Fiesta for a princely £1300. "Fuck," said T.E. |
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Car No.9
Everyone makes mistakes, and T.E's was buying a red Mini from beard-tastic Rob Lemay, our album-cover designer. We've all been in it, and believe me, it was a right shit-heap. 'Luckily', it was written off driving into a new Fiesta. Re-built and sold for £300 to a Mr James Bond, apparently. |
Car No.10
Because of the untimely death of the Mini, Big T.E returned to his old white Fiesta (car 8). But this time, with an XR2 1.6 lump dropped in. Cue much speeding about at breakneck speeds. Having had little fighter-plane experience, T.E crashed into our pal Aaron, who at the time was in his mum's shitty Metro. After a quick repair job, T.E bought some new wheels off of Viagra Falls' Tone Depear. Both front wheels fell off, hilariously. |
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Car No.11
Another black Metro, this one a Turbo lookalike. Courtesy of T.E's mechanical expertise, this one had a 1.3 lump dropped in. Nice tints on the windows completed that 'Yakuza' look. |
Car No.12
A stinking white Metro was gladly given to T.E. Never one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, Tel crashed, stripped and scrapped it. |
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Car No.13
For some reason, T.E seemed to get lumbered with other people's cast-offs, and he was given a blue Rover 214 by our mate Neil. A tasty L reg, T.E hasn't crashed it yet. Unfortunately, Neil cries everytime T.E thrashes it. |
Car No.14
Another blue Rover Metro, considerately pre-crashed for T.E. Now repaired to sell for cash. |
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